Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Randomize
