I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
