Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
