Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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