his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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