Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Randomize
