According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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