rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
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