Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
