you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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