Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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