It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Two words: blizzard sex
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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