I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Sext me about skeletons
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
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