I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Randomize
