yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
