You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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