4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Randomize
