His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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