So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
