you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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