I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
