He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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