i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
