how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
