I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
