fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
