There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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