Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Randomize
