Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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