My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
third nipple confirmed
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
