when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Randomize
