dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
