I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
