oh fat girl friday strikes again...
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
