There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Randomize
