id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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