I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
