the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Four minutes until I can fart!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Randomize