the condom got lost in my hair
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
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