Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
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