mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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