also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
