your parents love me but you hate me
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
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