I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Randomize
