suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
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