When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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