On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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