so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
