GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
