Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
