I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
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