Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
