Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
