I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
