A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
