it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
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