But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
