Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
