At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
